There are always going to be cases where someone was negligent, where if things had been done differently injury could have been prevented, or where there’s been criminal behaviour/action, and in such cases it can be right that the injured party’s compensated, but these days there are so many ambulance chasers eager to persuade anyone who’s suffered an injury or bad experience and persuade them it’s their right to be paid for everything in life that goes wrong that you can’t switch on the TV without being bombarded by the message. The TV’s full of adverts for injury claims lawyers telling you they’ll get you cash and it doesn’t cost anyone anything (except of course everyone’s insurance premiums).

On the forum I used to run, a medical support forum, I used to see it too. People can’t accept that sometimes things just happen – there invariably had to be someone to blame, a doctor should have diagnosed it sooner, a doctor shouldn’t have prescribed whatever medication it was that was suspected to have caused the condition, someone should have warned them, etc. etc. Looking for reasons is always part of the process of accepting a diagnosis of a serious condition, but so many these days take it to extremes.

Last Sunday there was a Panorama programme, “The Trauma Industry” (Fri 31 Jul 2009, 1.05, BBC1) looking at post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and the legal process involved in compensation claims. A condition that was first given a name in the aftermath of the Vietnam War (though earlier veterans of the First and Second World Wars had suffered the same symptoms, but it was known as “shell shock” or veterans were diagnosed as having problems with their “nerves”) has now morphed into a condition that results from minor traffic incidents.

TV reporter Allan Little, a war zone correspondent who’s seen war zones first hand and experienced the death of a colleague in a war zone spoke to veretans, doctors, psychologists, lawyers, and some victims of PTSD.

One is a Falklands veteran who was shot in the head during the conflict, and suffers from PTSD. Understandable. I should imagine that recovering from such an injury and trying to return to normal life after something like that is going to have a major impact on anyone.

According to the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) though, the NHS is treating an estimated quarter of a million people a year for PTSD, more than twice the number of people in the British army. That’s a hell of a lot of traumatised people! A PTSD specialist on the programme quite openly said he thought it was “a money spinner.”

The programme featured a number of cases, including a woman who’d been involved in a car accident where the car had been shunted 15ft. From this she’d apparently developed PTSD, and of course was suing for damages. The conclusion of the programme was that the legal process that compensation claims go through can actually hinder someone’s recovery from PTSD. After all, if someone’s suffering from PTSD and are involved in a legal process to get recompense from it, it’s not in their interests to actually recover from it.

As the programme points out, online you can find lists of the symptoms of PTSD in various places…often followed by advertisements for these injury lawyers and advice on how to claim.

Headaches, flashbacks, insomnia…they’re not the sort of symptoms you can disprove. I’d imagine they’re symptoms thousands of people have experienced at times, or after bad experiences – they’re symptoms I’ve had myself (hmmm…maybe I’ve got PTSD…?), but what people who do experience these sort of symptoms need more than anything else is treatment. Again though, if they’re in the middle of a legal case about their symptoms, it’s not in their interests to recover from them.

For everything these days there has to be someone to blame, whether it’s the politicians, doctors, scientists, the public, young people, old people, bankers, foreigners, nationalists, the other political party, voters, those who didn’t vote, etc., etc., and last week the latest group to be blamed was weather forecasters. Yep, weather forecasters!

Earlier in the year the Met office predicted that it was “odds on” for what the media are describing a “BBQ summer.” Of course the forecast heatwave hasn’t materialised (no mention of the fact that if it had, after three days everyone would be complaining that it was too damned hot), so now it’s the weather man’s fault. Thousands have apparently decided to forego a foreign holiday this year and chosen to holiday in Britain on the strength of the Met office forecast (nothing at all to do with the recession then). The BBC news showed waterproof covered after waterproof covered pensioners sitting dejectedly on the sea front, teenagers battling their way along the promenade with umbrellas.

What everyone has failed to notice is that whatever we want it to do, the weather will do what it damned well pleases – it’s something that’s not under our control. I’ve never quite understood the fabled British obsession with the weather anyway – it’s something that happens whether you complain about it or not, and it’s just too big for us to have any influence over.  We live in a country on the edge of a continent next to a rather large expanse of water and have a maritime climite. Unsettled and unpredictable weather comes with the territory. The other rather large thing that everyone failed to notice is that what the Met office said was that it was “odds on” for a good summer, not that it was a certainty. As everyone knows, there are only two certainties in life – death and taxes (and at least a trio of crap songs, one of them by Cliff Richard, battling over the Christmas number one, but I’m not sure if that counts). What the Met Office predicted, which of course the media failed to make a big thing of, focussing instead on the soundbite, was a 65% chance of a good summer…that means that there’s a 35% chance that it won’t be a good summer. They’re good odds, but not great.

No matter how good computer modelling is, which is largely what the weather men use these days in predicting weather, along with data from historical records, it’s an inexact science. A prediction is just that; a prediction. It’s not certain, it’s not guaranteed to happen, and I wouldn’t bet my last tenner on it. Is it the weather man’s fault if the predicted weather doesn’t materialise? No, but as a higher celestial being isn’t handy to blame, someone else has to take the rap, and the weather forecasters are an easy target. Having a maritime climate where the weather’s so unpredictable no-one, unless they’ve got a crystal ball, can say with certainty what the weather can do, and even then there can be a complete difference in weather in a very small area. I’ve been at work in town and it’s rained heavily during the day, yet at home, only a couple of miles away, nothing.

If you get wet though because it rains and you haven’t got an umbrella, someone (the weather man) has to take the blame. Not having the forethought to have taken an umbrella with you even though it was overcast and cold doesn’t come into it.

PTSD, the recession, whatever, someone has to take the blame. No-one can accept these days that life’s tough and sometimes shit happens and you just have to accept it and move on. Life sucks. Deal with it.

The post office keep telling us that their services are improving, but I’ve yet to see any evidence of that. If anything it’s going the other way.

A few years ago deliveries used to arrive early in the morning, invariably before work, but those days are long gone. Normally the “normal” post arrives between midday and 1pm these days, so you’d think if you’re in between those times you’d be safe to assume that you would receive even things too big for the letterbox or that need signing for when they arrived. Not so.

Waiting in for a delivery is fraught with dangers. Larger packets and parcels come separately by van rather than with the postman on foot. They can arrive any time between 7:30am (many a time I’ve found myself rushing to the door half dressed, or woken by the doorbell) and 7:30pm, as can the “normal” post. Normally the postman on foot arrives around lunch time, but we’d had deliveries as late as 4pm, and even once around 7:30pm!

They’re an impatient bunch too. On the front door we have a sticker that reads “please allow me time to answer the door” with the wheelchair symbol at the side of it. Though I don’t use a wheelchair, if I’m upstairs, my stairlift isn’t the fastest mode of transport to get downstairs, and even if I’m downstairs, if I’m sitting in my reclining chair with my feet up, I have to wait for the leg rest to lower before I can get out of the chair. One knock though and they’re off, and many a time I’ve arrived at the front door to find them half way up the drive or gone. It gets to the point that if you’re waiting in for a delivery, you worry that you might miss them if you nip to the loo! Similarly, having a bath or a shower or getting changed is problematic, and you find yourself every activity with waiting for the delivery in mind until it’s safely arrived.

Some delivery people also have a bit of a hard time reading delivery instructions. Recently I waited in all day one Friday for a delivery which never arrived. Eventually it arrived on the following Monday. The delivery guy claimed it hadn’t actually been delivered to their depot by the company until Friday evening, while the company claimed it had been sent to them on the Thursday evening. Of course the company weren’t contactable over the weekend, so I had to wait until the Monday anyway to sort it out. Then there’s the courier who can’t tell the difference between morning and afternoon.

When ordering online with Next you can specify whether you want delivery before or after 1pm, which is rather handy because at least then you’re only hanging around half a day waiting. The courier though has a bit of a problem with following these instructions, and invariably the package arrives whenever they feel like delivering it despite which option you’ve chosen.

Having said that, the speed at which some retailers deliver can be amazing. I once ordered something from Next one evening around 11pm, thinking it would be a couple of days before it arrived, but it arrived by 10am the next morning! Mr Amazon can be quite speedy as well, particularly if you use their “Prime” service, though I’ve known things using their standard free service to arrive at the same time as standard free delivery items.

In general though I think far too few companies and delivery companies offer the option of specifying a time-slot for delivery, or at least giving you an idea of when they’re going to be delivering. Having things delivered to an alternative address isn’t always an option. In the past I’ve tried to have things delivered to work if I’ve known a delivery’s going to arrive on a day I’m at work, but that doesn’t always go according to plan either. Working in a fairly large organisation, all the post’s dealt with centrally and then distributed out to the different departments, so you have to wait for it to be distributed to the department before you can get it. Even having things delivered to the main reception isn’t without problems. It used to be the case that if a parcel arrived for an individually named employee, you’d get a phone call from reception when the parcel arrived and you’d go and collect it from the main reception. No more though. Anything that comes via the reception gets sent off to the department, with the result that a couple of years ago it took me two hours to track down a parcel that had got lost between the main reception and the department. Then there’s the problem that my manager for some unfathomable reason insists on having all the team’s mail delivered to her and then she doles it out. When it’s going to arrive depends on when she manages to wander down to our office, and whether she’s in meetings or out somewhere or having a day off. It’s not unknown for things to land on your desk three days after they’ve actually arrived in the building!

There’s also the problem of which delivery address you can use. On eBay now with most sellers they’ll only deliver to the registered PayPal address. Recently when I was away staying with relatives and I needed an Amazon order to get to me urgently, I could only specify a new delivery address if I added a new credit card to my payment methods, which was apparently a “security measure.” As it happened, I did have another credit card I could add on to my account, but had I had only owned one credit card I’d have been stumped. If you get an item Special Delivery or Royal Mail Tracked and you’re not in when they try to deliver, you can’t then have it delivered to alternative address. *sigh*

As usual my absence can be explained by the continuing medical dramas in my life and me generally feeling crap. My medical adventures over the last few months have involved scans, ultrasounds, x-rays, cystoscopies, urodynamics testing, being hooked up to the mains for neurological tests…as usual with my body that hates me, just when I think nothing else can go wrong with it, something else does.

On the positive side, finally, earlier this year (I think it was around April time) we finally got the go-ahead from the PCT for getting the testing strips for my INR prescribed on the NHS, so finally I was able to start with the self-testing. This has made a huge difference, cutting down the amount of appointments I need and the time I’ve been needing off work for medical appointments, and of course associated sitting around in waiting rooms. Recently I went away for 10 days, and as my INR’s been going haywire recently after I was given some antibiotics before a medical procedure I’ve been needing to test my INR most weeks, I was able to test my INR while I was away without the hassle of having to register with a local doctor and going for blood tests etc. It takes only a few minutes to set up and test my INR, and then I just phone my GP to get my warfarin dosage. I’m getting pretty good though at guessing what the dosage is going to be and how long before re-testing, and mostly I guess right what my GP’s going to say. I did have a bit of a panic before my trip away when I ran out of testing strips and it turned out the prescription I’d got was for the strips for the old version of my testing machine, which aren’t compatible with my machine. When I couldn’t get the right strips from any of the local chemists before I went, fortunately the practice manager at the surgery saved the day, letting me borrow some of the surgery’s test strips until mine arrived.

In the midst of all the medical dramas Bliss had a couple of months of practising getting back into writing mode (not that we’ve made much progress on that front), I had a long and frustrating battle with beauocrasy, and I’ve had the usual battle with managing to keep my hours up at work. Other than that things are pretty much the same except that I’ve started to put my “getting things back on track” plan into action, and I’ve given up the support forum. This means I’ve actually got time now to do things that don’t involve being glued to the keyboard all day every day, and I’ve actually started watching TV again – yay!

Normal service shall now resume.

I’ve never really been much into new year’s resolutions, but this year decided that I shall make a list of my aims and goals for the year. It goes something like this…

1. I aim to spend absolutely no time in hospital this year. None. Zero days. In 2007 I managed a grand total of 1 month in hospital, which is a bit excessive, even for me! 2008 I fared better and spent only 4 days as a resident of one of the NHS’s best establishments. For 2009 I’m aiming to get that down to 0 days, on the grounds that one of these years it’s got to happen! Routine clinic appointments and such like obviously don’t count, but we’re aiming for no time as an inpatient.
2. I shall be aiming to write something here every day.
3. (Bliss will like this one) Possibly doing some form of writing on one of my various creative projects every day is asking a bit much, and some days time commitments, prior engagements, and falling asleep at strange times due to the damned buprenorphine, make committing to creative writing every day a bit of a tall order. Instead I shall say that I will commit to doing some form of creative writing on a weekly basis. As I have a habit of starting off new projects before I’ve finished previous ones, I shall start no more until all my current projects are finished. So that I make some progress on all of them, I’m going to be trying to do some word on each every week. Every year for the past four years I’ve said “This is the year for Fallen Angel” (long term novel project first started when I was in college, rather a long time ago now), but this year, though I’m not committing to finishing it (a couple of shorter projects that require less research will probably get finished first), I shall make significant in-roads into getting it well on the way to getting there.
4. I will make time to read every day. I did make significant progress on this towards the end of 2008 after I drew up a list of “must read” books and went shopping at Amazon, and am pleased to report I actually managed to finish two books in the space of a month, which is a first since IIH struck. Reading’s still pretty hard going at times (it’s a lot easier to read on screen where you can resize text as necessary), but I’m determined to keep up with reading, as not only is it good for the soul, but it’s also a prerequisite for successful writing – read a lot, and write a lot.
5. I shall not ignore emails in my inbox and let them pile up so it takes hours to wade through them all and to reply to them where appropriate, file as necessary, or otherwise dispose of (as I ended up doing yesterday, trying to clear the backlog going back to October!
6. Finally, I’m going to be me. Not the me everyone thinks I ought to be, or thinks I am, but the me I know I am, and that means no more hiding behind stuff and actually getting back to being what I want to be. Again, I made significant in-roads in progress on that in 2008, and I shall continue that in 2009. If everyone else doesn’t like it – tough!

And finally…

Update on my shunt(s)

Well my attempt at chronicalling my recovery from the op kind of ground to a sudden halt. Once I’d initially got over the op I got dug into finishing off a long overdue website for my cousin’s BMX club which was a race against time to get it finished in time for the launch of the club’s brand new racing track. Got there in the end though, and barring a few minor tweaks and the usual maintenance stuff it’s pretty much okay and my cousin’s highly delighted with the end result. I aims to please!

The stitches in my abdominal wound after the op were slightly problematic, in that when the district nurse tried to take them out, she only got as far as one before deciding my stuffing was liable to come out if she took out any more, and left them in a bit longer. They were in for the full 14 days limit before the body decides they’re most definitely a foreign object and protests, but all was well, and it’s healed very well, infact you pretty much can’t see the scar now already unless you know where to look, and it’s only a couple of months since the op!

As usual after shunt revision surgery involving the distal catheter (the one that goes into the abdomen) I’ve had the usual variety of weird abdominal pains that move around and shift (very amusing game guessing where the next one’s going to pop up!) but they’re settling down, and I only get them occasionally now.  At one point a few weeks ago I was getting some very weird and painful pains in my chest/abdomen/shoulder and was worried that I might have another pulmonary embolism, especially as I’d been off warfarin for a week before the op and then my INR had been way lower than it should have been for weeks afterwards (it’s gone the other way now, and it’s now way too high!), but it turned out to be some weird virus that was doing the rounds which my doc said was causing pleuritic type pain with a lot of people.

I saw my surgeon a couple of weeks ago, and he was very happy with my progress. He’d been slightly concerned about the abdominal wound healing well because he’d had to trim it before stitching, presumably because of all the previous scar tissue, but was very pleased with the result. Unless I have any further problems (fingers crossed!) he doesn’t want to see me for another year – yay! Still waiting for the referral/appointment for a new neurologist, not only to monitor me from an IIH point of view, but to investigate the left side weakness I’ve developed, and he’s going to chase that up for me.

My INR’s still going haywire, as it always does after I’ve been off the warfarin for any reason, and takes ages to settle down again. I’m still needing INR checks every week or so, as it’s either going way too low or way too high, and doesn’t seem to want to stay in range for any length of time. *sigh* Still also waiting for a decision as well from the PCT as to whether they’re going to let my GP prescribe the testing strips for the self-testing machine. *sigh* That’s something I really need to chase up in the new year.

Meanwhile I’ve been having other health related problems (you wouldn’t think there was much else left for me to get, and that I’ve already used up all of the conditions known by TLA (three letter acronyms), but no!) and I’m hoping to get a referral to a specialist in the new year. More on that later though.

This is what it said about me…

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You’re not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your “down time”. Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You’re generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed – making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You’ll try almost anything interesting, and you’re constantly pushing your own limits. A great admirer of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

I was quite surprised by the result (obviously they’d put some thought into the questions and their interpretation. Generally I’d say most of the analysis is probably just about right, though I’d probably argue that though I’m generally friendly, I wouldn’t say I’m trusting (House is right – everyone lies!), and I definitely have a healthy dose of cynicism, in fact the older I get probably the more cynical I get.

The fact that I’m apparently not neurotic is good to know, and on the “openness to experience score”, yep, that’s just about me.

They’ve got a “what kind of blogger?” test on there as well…I think I know the answer to that one – the type that gets easily distracted and forgets that I’m supposed to write something every day!

I’ve just finished packing (there’s nothing like getting organised in plenty of time …I’m the same when I have to pack to go on holiday) so I’m just about set. I’ve got all the essentials…MP3 player, both mobile phones, Jack, my Eee PC charged up and ready to go, flash drive with all my essential files on…oh, and some pyjamas and a toothbrush and stuff as well

Bliss won’t be accompanying me to the hospital. She doesn’t like ‘em and says I’ll have to make do with the grapes she’s packed for me, so I’m leaving her in charge here. Don’t expect to get any sense out of her though – she’s still sulking because we’re still not doing any writing.

See you some time next week all being well!

The particular model I got was 80cm x 80cm x 80cm, and when I put it up (simple enough to do), I was very surprised at the size of the thing. I somehow didn’t expect it to be quite as big as it is! I’m sure you could comfortably house a family of four in there…

Anyway, it comes with four different coloured ‘backdrops’ (i.e. coloured bits of nylon material) and instructions on how to put it down for storage. It goes from this rather large square shape, to a round shape approximately 30cm in diameter for storing in the provided case. Now according to the instructions, it’s simple to collapse for storage. It’s not. It’s like wrestling treacle.

Getting it into a flat state is relatively easy, where you have a flat 80cm x 80cm shape (though I ended up with two bits of fabric flapping about on either side that are two sides of the cube when it’s in cube state which resolutely refused to stay tucked in. After getting it into the flat state though comes the tricky bit. According to the instructions, holding one edge of the square, the top edge, you roll this top edge forwards towards the bottom edge, and while you’re doing that, due to the wire frame, two ‘loops’ begin to appear on either side, which while holding on to the two edges you’ve rolled towards each other you’re supposed to twist and pull in towards the centre. Repeat on the other side, and you end up with a flat shape around 30cm in diameter, ready for stowing in the provided cover. Easy!

It probably would be with a degree in engineering, and a couple of pairs of spare hands, but as it is, it’s like wrestling treacle! You roll one edge towards the other edge, which is the fairly simple bit, but even this step is fraught with danger, because being wire framed and rather springy, if you let go of the damned thing, the top edge springs up and hits you squarely on the nose. I learned this from experience unfortunately. Having rolled edge A towards edge B there are indeed two loops that form; one on each side, with the wire frame bending into a circular shape. At this point you’re supposed to twist the left hand loop in an anti-clockwise direction and then fold it inwards, while still keeping hold of the two edges you’ve rolled together. Letting go of any of the bits at this stage is extremely dangerous, because if you do, the wire being bent into shapes it doesn’t naturally want to go into, is liable to spring apart and again hit you squarely on the nose!

Meanwhile, while you’re holding two edges together, and the loop on the left that you’ve just pulled inwards, leaving you with a weird shape with so many sides and curved edges I’ve no idea what you’d call such a shape, you’re supposed to do the same with the loop on the right side, twisting it and pulling it inwards, while swearing profusely (that wasn’t in the instructions, but I did it anyway), and the whole thing’s supposed to collapse into the round shape for storing in the bag. The problem is that quite apart from flaps of fabric appearing everywhere that refuse to stay tucked in, meanwhile you’re still supposed to be holding all those edges together and twisting loops, which is why a couple of pairs of extra hands would come in pretty useful, and being wire-framed and not liking being bent into strange new positions, you only have to take the pressure off one bit and the whole thing morphs itself into a flat but now rather curved and bent square shape again. Repeat this step around half a dozen times.

By this stage I’d been trying to get the damned thing down for around 15 minutes and I was beginning to think that maybe just storing it in the square flat state was for the best, but was determined I wasn’t going to be beaten by a bit of wire and some nylon. Those things though could be marketed as a full body workout with the amount of energy needing to be expended to get the damned thing into its collapsed circular state. When I did finally get it into the circular state I’m sure it was a pure fluke, after experimenting with various permutations of holding onto two edges and twisting loops in new and interesting directions. I’d put the thing on the bed so that I was at least working at a sensible height, and at one point resorted to keeping the two edges and a loop held together by firmly plonking a knee on them so I had hands free for the twisting the loops bit. I’ve no idea now quite how I finally did manage to get it into the circular state, but the whole thing must have taken me around half an hour. Maybe I should have paid more attention to what happened and where the bits popped up from when I first took it out of the bag…

fettle \FET-l\, noun:
A state or condition of fitness or order; state of mind; spirits — often used in the phrase “in fine fettle.”

dictionary.com

Now although I have heard the phrase “in fine fettle”, around here, to fettle is a term used to describe having a damned good clean of something, as in “That floor’s filthy; I’m going to give it a good fettle!”

It’s not a phrase I’d say I’ve heard often, or used an awful lot these days, but according to the Steel Founders Society of America, it is,

British term meaning the process of removing all runners and risers and cleaning off adhering sand from the casting. Also refers to the removal of slag from the inside of the cupola and in Britain to repair the bed of an open hearth.

SFSA

That kind of makes sense actually, because it’s not a word I’ve heard commonly in other parts of the country, and here in Derbyshire we’re not a million miles away from the borders of South Yorkshire, and of course areas of Yorkshire, and in particular Sheffield, which is only a few miles up the road, are, or formerly were major steel producing centres, and my mum, who’s the one person I know who regularly uses the word, grew up in Yorkshire (though she doesn’t like to admit it ). I also remember my granny, when I was much younger, and in the days when they had an open coal fire talking about “fettling the grate.”

So there you go; a local word that comes from the area’s former heavy industry. Obviously no-one told those nice people who wrote the dictionary that though!

It’s been quite a few years, since way back when I was at college, since I’ve pulled an all-nighter to get work finished, and I have to say that I’m showing my age. I can’t cope with it like I used to. So, I realised that I need to scale back on what I’m doing, hence my two decisions.

My first was to resign as Chair of the charity I’ve been chairing for intracranial hypertension ever since we set it up (I got the job on the grounds it was my crazy idea in the first place, and no-one else wanted to do it), which was taking over my life entirely. The second was prompted by the realisation that I’m just not a natural programmer. I can do it (with the books infront of me), but it’s damned hard work! So, I decided not to carry on with the IT degree.

What am I going to do instead? Well that’s a closely guarded secret at the moment, but all I shall say is that Bliss is incredibly happy about it, so I’ll leave her to tell you all about it (and maybe she’ll stop nagging me now for a while!), and that it also involves “the next big thing”. More news on that soon.

…and this time I mean it.