Feeling kinda…
…like sh*t at the moment. My brain’s having one of those “off” days when all the pings are bad and if someone ran a tracecert on my thought processes at the moment they’d be looking at response times in the order of minutes rather than milliseconds.
When my pressure’s high I have these weird kind of absences where I’m aware of what’s going on around me, but it doesn’t make much sense to me, and I have trouble responding to things. The first time it happened not long after I was diagnosed with IIH my mum thought I’d had a stroke or something. It’s so frustrating because it’s as though something else takes over my body, something I don’t have any control over.
The OU course I’m doing at the moment, it’s a level 1 course for christ’s sake! I should be able to do it standing on my head, and the first couple of assignments I got marks in the 90’s. Come the third assignment though, the programming one, and everything I ever knew goes out of my head. My brain’s like this tiny little walnut rattling around in my head. Okay, I hate javascript with a vengeance, and I very rarely use it, mainly due to the accessibility problems with it, but having done javascript before I should know this stuff – it’s basic ‘while’ and ‘for’ loops. Throw in a few conditionals and the job’s a good one, but my brain just isn’t making the connections. Too many bad pings.
I’ve never really fully got to grips with javascript, I’m much more at home with PHP, and with javascript even after the previous javascript courses I’ve done, though I knew enough to know what it was doing when I saw it, I’ve always struggled actually writing it myself. This isn’t even complicated stuff though, and it’s so damned frustrating because at times I feel I’m nearly there and it almost comes, but I just can’t get the final pieces of the puzzle together and actually get the program working. I don’t think I’m a natural programmer. I haven’t got the patience for bug hunting, and my code tends to be more of a ramshackle Heath Robinson kind of affair rather than the “elegant code” that real programmers talk about.
I’m giving this assignment one more try tonight though in the hope that something will connect, for tomorrow it’s back to designing, and the day begins with a load of Photoshopping to try and rescue some half decent photos from a load of complete rubbish I’ve been sent for a site.
Like they say; tomorrow’s another day.
